Taken from www.mandylandinechoweekly.blogspot.comMANDYLAND: ADOPTION CONNECTIONS
By Mandy Richardson for Echo Weekly
September 29 - October 5, 2011
As a mother who chose to give her son up for adoption seven years ago, Shelley Ibbotson of Adoption Connections knows just how emotional and challenging this decision and process can be. With her background in Social Work and Child Welfare however, this birth mom offers something very unique and special to those looking to place or adopt.
To be clear, Adoption Connections is not an adoption agency but an online tool that provides added exposure for Canadians who want to adopt and the opportunity for expectant mothers to browse these profiles from the comfort of their own home. Inter-provincial adoptions are not an uncommon result of having been brought together on this site, and if you think about it, that's pretty incredible. Families who have been struggling to conceive now have a wonderful forum to showcase themselves to expectant mothers and fathers through their online profile; even providing contact information should a mom or dad-to-be want to get in touch.
If you're wondering what it takes for people to be able to adopt, every couple (gay or straight/married or not) or individual looking to adopt must have completed the Home Study by a Ministry approved Social Worker before adopting and even before joining Adoption Connections. This is a very extensive and thorough process that adheres to strict criteria and ensures that each child will be safe and provided for. Once matched, should both parties want to go ahead with an adoption, an adoption professional or lawyer will do all the legal work and get everyone set up with counselling to help with this transition.
The first year is typically the hardest for birth parents and grieving is a natural consequence when they are dealing with not being present for many of the 'firsts'. This is why support groups are essential and why birth parents have a window after the birth of their child should they change their mind and decide to keep him or her. The official paperwork for the adoption cannot be signed until after the baby is 7 days old. And even if you do still choose to place your baby on the 8th day, you and your partner have another 21 days to change your minds.
The process of adoption has come a long way over the past 20 years and long gone are the days where you'd give your child up and wonder for years just how or what your child is doing in life. These days open adoption is more prevalent than closed ones, and encourages both connection and regular visits, and not just between the birth mom/dad and child/adoptive parents, but with the birth parent's family as well. With inclusiveness like this, adoption has transformed from an uncertain and restrictive experience to one that is much more transparent and welcoming.
Of course every adoption contract is different and you can be as involved (or not) as you'd like, presuming both parties are in agreement. Semi-open adoption is also an option and this can include letters, gifts and pictures but no visits.
While open adoption does not appeal or work for everyone, having the option can add a sense of relief to those who are drawn to it. I had a unplanned pregnancy when I was a teenager and my decision not to place my child up for adoption was based on a fear that I would go through life never knowing how she was; something I couldn't bear the thought of at the time and thus, I decided to keep her. I had no idea about open adoption at that time so I am glad it is now becoming more known.
Surprisingly enough though, Shelley informed me that many teen mothers do not place their children up for adoption; it is often those in post-secondary and/or those who already have a child who end up choosing this route. There are many reasons for this, including financial strain and already feeling overwhelmed as it is, and just not feeling equipped to provide the quality of life that they know their child deserves.
Making such a big decision is never easy but it is made easier by Adoption Connections because it offers you peace of mind as you take an active role in choosing whom your child gets placed with. More information means more choices. Also, if you are currently facing a similar life-changing situation and need to make a decision, just remember that you do have options and it is your body and it's your baby so you get to decide what you would like to do. Seek support if you need to because this is not something you should have to face alone.
Finally, did you know that Birth Mother's Day is the day before Mother's Day and Birth Father's Day is the day before Father's Day? This came about by some women in Seattle who noticed that birth parents are rarely celebrated or acknowledged. They chose the day before the original day because “The birth mother/father came before your mother/father”. Thanks for the 411, Shelley!
Go to www.adoptionconnections.ca for more information on this service and/or to connect with Shelley about her consultation services. As a birth mom herself, Shelley can help you to create the kind of profile that will answer the questions most mom-to-bes are wanting to know when they are looking for someone to adopt their child.
If you are an independent business owner, creative genius or another form of awesome, email mandy@ mandylandrocks.com to be featured in Mandyland. All previous Mandyland features and interviews can be found on www.mandylandrocks.com.
Link to this article online: http://www.echoweekly.com/9186-Mandyland.htm
Listen to my interview with Shelley on iTunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/mandyland-rocks/id397184212
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